We would have to get a whole cast of readers to do the various roles. But oh, how awesome:

Clergyman: Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togethaw today. Mawwiage,
that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam…

[From outside, the voice of Yellin is heard]

Yellin: Stand your ground, men! Stand your ground! Stand your ground!

[Fezzik is dressed in the black cloak, and being pushed from behind in the
Wheelbarrow. He now looks enormous and fearsome!]

Fezzik: I am the Dread Pirate Roberts! There will be no survivors!
Inigo: Now?
Westley: Not yet.
Fezzik: My men are here! I am here! … but soon you will not be here!
Inigo: [barely holding up Fezzik] Now?!
Westley: Light him! [They light Fezzik’s robe with a torch]
Fezzik: The Dread Pirate Roberts takes no survivors! All your worst nightmares
have but to come true!

[Most of the gate guards scatter in all directions]

Clergyman: Then wove, twue wove, will follow you fowever…


Fezzik: The Dread Pirate Roberts is here for your soul! [Yellin yells for the
guards to fight. The rest run.]

Clergyman: So tweasure youw…
Humperdink: [interrupting] Skip to the end!
Clergyman: Have you the wing?
Buttercup: Here comes my Westley now.

[Fezzik has removed the robe and all the guards except Yellin have fled.]

Westley: Fezzik, the portcullis! [Fezzik lifts the portcullis with some

Humperdink: Your Westley is dead. I killed him myself.
Buttercup: Then why is there fear behind your eyes.

Westley: [to Yellin] Give us the gate key.
Yellin: I have no gate key.
Inigo: Fezzik, tear his arms off.
Yellin: Oh, you mean this gate key. [Yellin hands over the key]

Clergyman: Do you Pwincess Buttecwup…
Humperdink: [annoyed] Man and wife! Say man and wife!
Clergyman: Man and Wife.