Two days ago, on Saturday, November 27, Mayhem was supposed to be born. She had other plans. It is now Monday, November 29, and we still don’t know what those are.

No one is alarmed yet; apparently she’s just hanging out. She did great on her non-stress test this morning. But she did have one surprise for us: after several weeks of nonscientific palpating, where doctors consistently guessed that Mayhem weighed more than seven pounds, our first ultrasound in months pegged her at just over six.

It doesn’t seem possible that she could be so tiny. I’m so huge, her movements are so emphatic, and she weighs on me like a ton of bricks. But yeah, six pounds. We could schedule her induction as soon as Wednesday, but now I’m thinking that maybe she does need to stay indoors a bit longer, if only to put on some weight. And I find myself getting angry as I wonder why we had to wait until after her due date to learn of Mayhem’s shrimpitude.

I’ve ranted this rant before, but now my ire is refreshed. What was the point of all these prenatal visits? What information did we actually obtain?? They’d lay a tape measure over my bump, poke and prod at Mayhem, and hazard a guess. When the technology to answer my questions with actual data was not only available but accessible, right there in the next room. Why didn’t they use it? Why did they waste my time and theirs, taking meaningless measurements and potentially ignoring actual issues? Why, at full term, is my baby so small? More importantly, why is nobody bothering to ask?

If I’d wanted a soft-focus midwifey experience I’d have asked for one. There is a reason why I chose the medical faculty practice at the local university hospital to look after my daughter in utero, and it is because I expected them to do exactly that. And now, when my pregnancy has gone into overtime, it is perhaps the worst time to find out that we’ve all spent the past few months on autopilot.

I’m half tempted to sign up for induction right now, if only to reclaim some sense of control over some small part of the process.

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